I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
