I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
