she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
