i wish my penis had a tongue
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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