I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
