We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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