Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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