Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
