Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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