I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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