and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
