I'm eating all of the evidence.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
