she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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