About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
