I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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