we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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