Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
