haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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