is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
