i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
