Can Purell be used as lube?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
