nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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