Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
