what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
