He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
