Can i not drive my cunt home
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
