Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
