I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, beer. Big fan.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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