so explain again why im purple
no
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
