Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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