How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
