Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize
