Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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