I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Vodka?
Forever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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