Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
