moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
soo... how was my night?
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