ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
