Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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