Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
