i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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