i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my shit smells like andre
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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