Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
