My friends, they love my intelligence
I need help removing her.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
