im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
