let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
