I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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