just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
