I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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