Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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