It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
