So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
