She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
