i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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