i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
