Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
