I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How does one acquire holy water?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
