btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
