I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
