my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
