it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus