I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
