dude i'm inner monologue high
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...