do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
