Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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