Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just barfed on his mom.

(404): View more from Georgia

You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.

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(817): View more from Texas

After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.

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(760): View more from California

Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...

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(251): View more from Alabama

Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(646): View more from New York

You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?

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(804): View more from Virginia

We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"

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(757): View more from Virginia

Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?

(540): View more from Virginia

You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."

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