Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
