If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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