Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
