I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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