I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
