You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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