she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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