batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
