Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
