1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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