how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
