i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
