OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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