You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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