So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
