Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
