I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
