i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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