Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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